Season 5
Episodes
1. Large Birds, Spiders, and Mom
Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he graduates to Junior High. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.
2. Media Room Slash Dungeon
Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.
3. Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. The two double date and their waitress happens to be one of Charlie’s ex-girlfriends. Charlie's date backfires the following morning, when he ends up in court in front of the judge.
4. City of Great Racks
Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.
5. Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.
6. Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.
7. Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
After Alan and Charlie have a fight about Alan's role in the house. Alan packs Jake up and moves in with his mother.
8. Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.
9. Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter.
10. Kinda Like Necrophilia
Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school.
11. Meander to Your Dander
When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.
12. A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.
13. The Soil Is Moist
Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.
14. Winky-Dink Time
Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker.
15. Rough Night in Hump Junction
Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.
16. Look At Me Mommy, I'm Pretty
Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.
17. Fish in a Drawer
CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.
18. If My Hole Could Talk
Charlie's attracted to an older self-help author. Alan and Jake clash over a project for school.
19. Waiting for the Right Snapper
When Charlie meets Angie's soon to be daughter-in-law, he realizes it's not for the first time.